Saturday, June 7, 2014

peace amid the wandering

I went to Jamaica (reminded that loving Jesus is literally the most important aspect of life).
My sister is married (now I have a weird sense that my husband could be anywhere...kind of creepy).
I decided to finished school in five years instead of four (which is currently making me feel like a failure at life, but whatever.)

Everything is happening so fast. Why does life fly along like a kite in a hurricane? It isn't this easy breeze in a hot air balloon that allows you to appreciate the moment or your surroundings. It is a whirlwind of confusion that moves at warp speed. So often I find myself walking around like a chicken with its head cut off (such vivid imagery... Why do we use that phrase?)
Perhaps these events aren't racing by, but maybe I'm failing at slowing down.
I am now deciding to return to waking up an hour early to make myself breakfast and listen to what God has to say to me for my day. Otherwise, I know I'll continue on this self-absorption trajectory that tends to result in destructive thought patterns. I'm not perfect. I never will be. I'm not worth all these endless thoughts, but He is.
Jesus once said that our relationships with those we love most should look like hate in comparison to our love for Him (paraphrasing of course). I can't imagine this ever being reality in my life, although I pray that one day my heart will be consumed with that sort of devotion. In light of His sufficiency, I can be content in spite of my glaringly obvious imperfections.

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