Tuesday, April 15, 2014


I don't mean for this to be a depressing post, but even as I write this I know it will be, because I can't imagine how to end in a positive way. Lately the only time I take to write freely is when something is wrong, or I feel too weak and discouraged to speak my thoughts aloud. In case some poor soul is reading this, I apologize. You should probably stop reading at this point, because I'm about to continue.
Humans are funny--we all have a need to feel loved, but deep down we know we cannot be loved until we are truly known, and so we begin a quest. It's a quest to be heard, and understood, and, ultimately, loved. If you don't have this sense of need, there is most definitely something wrong.
The question is, "what do you do with this seemingly bottomless pit of desire?"
For me, the answer has become painfully obvious in the past few weeks.
Once again I find myself reminded (in not such a fun way) that Jesus is the only one who cares to know every detail of my life, and loves me perfectly despite knowing all the gritty details.
 People will leave, stop loving, stop caring, stop being, but He remains.

All I know is this- if I had the kindest, most caring, selfless, and overall best human being as a husband, that pit would not be filled. It may be for a week, a month, maybe even a few years, but he would fail. Regardless of when he let me down, the questions would become:
 "where is my hope? Where will I find my love?
Yes, I have been distracted. I have been seeking for love in all the wrong places. I have sought to be known by boys. I have been selfish. The truth is, the more I think about me, the more dissatisfied I become. I'm ready to listen, to care more about others than myself, and to rest, once again, in the arms of Jesus.

There I know I will find purpose beyond temporary pleasure. I'm so glad He's waiting.

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